Today marks 3 months home for the newest in the crew. It feels like they have been here much longer than that. Not just emotionally, but 3 months is not very long, and it seems like I was in Ukraine forever ago.
Last night, Star brought something up about her "favorite" teacher in Ukraine. A few months ago she said to me "I thought I loved her, but now I don't even think I LIKE her...." There used to be a confusing line between like and love, and how children should be treated. My child was whipped with a belt by this teacher in Ukraine, surely that is not lovable behavior. I'm glad we have taught her about true love. Last night she told me "Mama, you should write a letter to my director, because I think she thinks everything is perfect and it's NOT. She should know the truth about those teachers and how they beat us." Whew. Break my mama heart, for my own kids, and the kids that were left behind.
As Star was talking, Summer Girl chimed in about HER groupa. Summer Girl has hardly said 2 words about her past. Last summer I asked her if her biological parents ever visited her, and she said "I don't even know if they are alive..." and that was all she had told me about them. Last night, it all came pouring out. Summer Girl, Miss Bolshoy, Monkey and Star...they went on and on, well past bed time, about the hard lives they once lived. I was shocked how much my 7 year old little Monkey remembers... Right down to the color of the car that drove her away from her old house. Stories of alcohol, abuse, blood, black eyes covered with makeup for school, hair pulling, whipping, kneeling on rice in a corner hunger, lies, guilt, tears through the night... the layers peeled away last night. Miss Bolshoy told stories and kept say "and that's so inappropriate for kids!" and pretended to take it from her mind and throw it out the window. Do you know how hard it is to have to tell a child that at 4, 5 and 7, it was not their job to protect their mothers? That it's not their fault? Break my heart.
All I could do was hug my sweet girls, and tell them how sorry I am that they had to live these lives. I hugged them and hugged them, and Summer Girl squeezed back so tightly. She knows she is safe. She knows her Papa in America would NEVER be like the father she had in Ukraine. Miss Bolshoy won't even call her biological father "father", "papa" or "dad" anymore. He is simply "That man" or "he". She told me "He is not a father... he is just a horrible person who does bad things. I won't call him those names, because those are names of love." Pretty serious stuff coming from an 11 year old.
I know I am just another woman who takes care of them. Sure, I am their mom. Yes, I know they love me. But the bond I get to witness between my daughters and their father is so special to me. Because I know they did not trust men- I know that they did not "need" a father. And I'm so glad my husband was gentle enough, kind enough, funny enough, patient enough, to earn their trust and work his way into their lives. And now they have the bond with their father that I always wished I had with mine. He is their protector, coach, teacher, chef, chauffeur.... their PAPA.
I'm so honored to be their mama. As hard as it is, even if I'm not perfect, I know I am on the right path to teaching them about themselves, their worth, about God, and preparing them for their futures. We are so blessed. On the hard days, I need to read my own blog and remember how far they have all come.
Monday, May 20, 2013
Monday, May 13, 2013
Flower Flowers Everywhere! Monday Marie-ism
Last week I was at a fundraiser auction and realized "Oh my goodness! Mother's Day is in a week and I have not done a darn thing for it..." Lucky for me, there was an auction basket called "Mother's Day Relaxation". A gift certificate for a massage, a gift certificate to a local florist, and 2 Very Bradl.ey bags. SCORE! The massage went to my mom and the flowers were to go to Marie (and the bags will be wrapped under the Christmas tree for my oldest daughter... score!) I went to the florist, asked for something pretty and was handed a wrapped bunch of plain white orchids. It doesn't get much more boring than that! I called Ray and he scoffed and asked me to stop by the grocery store to buy some colored flowers to mix into this "bouquet". I held in my "But that defeats the whole purpose of this exercise- not having to spend a dime on your mom for mothers day" and went on my merry little way on MY Mother's Day (he was at work). The store was OUT of flowers. How is that even possible!? All they had were a few potted plants. I texted him "All out of flowers. I quit." He said he would handle it. But he wasn't getting home from work until 4:30. Later in the day, Monkey and I stopped at a different store to buy sugar and I grabbed a bouquet and texted him "Got Marie some flowers- All set!" At 4:30, my darling beau walks in the door with 2 bouquets, and a wad of "baby's butt or whatever it's called" (baby's BREATH, dear) So, there we stood with 5 bouquets between the two of us all for one woman, NOT my mother... and instead of getting away with spending the goose egg $0 on her, we spent more than we probably should have.
We brought her the flowers last night and she said "Oh what a shame to have such a beautiful display of flowers and we're going out of town this week..."
I would have spit nails and muttered a sarcastic "You're Welcome" had she not said she was going out of town for the week.
Happy Mother's Day to ME!
We brought her the flowers last night and she said "Oh what a shame to have such a beautiful display of flowers and we're going out of town this week..."
I would have spit nails and muttered a sarcastic "You're Welcome" had she not said she was going out of town for the week.
Happy Mother's Day to ME!
Mother's Day
Children born to another woman call me "Mom". The magnitude of that tragedy and the depth of that privilege are not lost on me. ~ Jody Landers
When we were in Ukraine on our last trip, I asked the director (who knows my girls very well) if she thought they had the same father as listed on their birth certificates. She replied something along the lines of "I don't know. The documents say yes, I assume no. But none of that matters anymore. Their parents are the people that raise them and love them. And now, only you two matter." These words mean a lot to me. This woman loved our girls like her own. Brought them to her house, brought them on holiday with her family... and now she was passing the torch. From parents who for whatever reasons couldn't manage the responsibilities of being parents, to a detsky dom with fill in mamas, to our home with parents who are there forever and always.Yesterday I woke up and got the 4 oldest ready for church. They went with my mom because I had to bring Monkey to her first birthday party (odd day for a party, eh?) I was sent on scavenger hunts to find cards and presents. It was so cute. They had done so much work to make me feel special. Card after card. Poems upon poems. I felt very loved.
After I got Miss Hyped Up On Sugar, we went to my mom's house. The older girls had spent two afternoons cooking up a storm. They made 2 peanut butter pies (I am obsessed with peanut butter), carrot cake (another fav of mine), lasagna, salad, garlic bread, and a berry medley with fresh whipped creme. They were busy bees and accomplished much of it with very little help from my mom. My aunt, uncle, cousins and Granny all came up for the event as well. The girls were so proud to be little chefs like their papa and to serve the moms. They were beaming with each compliment they received. They make me so proud to be their mama.
Outside my mom has 2 cherry blossum trees, and they enjoyed playing in the "pink snow"
Friday, May 10, 2013
Leveled Classes
I hate them. I really do. Especially because having ELL kids, there is no one set level for them. They could be great in Math and Social Studies, but not so great at Reading or Writing. They can't take standardized tests and be expected to score the same as their peers, but they are placed in leveled classes based on how they did on these tests. UGH!
Ohhhh how our public schools have a way of getting this mama REALLY heated. Star, my 12 year old came from Ukraine at 10.75 years old. She was the top of her class, made all "A's" (or the numerical Ukrainian equivalent). She came here, and was in 5th grade, in a mixed class at the middle school with heavy ELL classes. I had asked the principal (a childhood friend of my husband's) "because she is ELL, when she gets to 6th grade, will she be in the lowest section?" His response was "Of course not! Look at these grades in her native language! We would never hold a child back, who can obviously do the work, simply because he or she does not speak English perfectly!" Fast forward to 6th grade. There are 4 sections in each cluster. 4 being the highest, 1 being the lowest. She was placed in section 1. I was TICKED. Called the school and everyone (classroom teachers and ELL teacher) told the principal she was where she needed to be based on her language needs. In this section they do the same material but at a slower pace, have more support in the classroom and don’t take Spanish and French but have an extra reading class instead. Mid-year, my daughter started getting upset. “I work my butt off and no one cares” (Ali was moved up mid-year). “My friends (athletes from her sports teams) say I’m going to go to jail because of who my other friends (classmates) are… I cant help that I am in class with them!” I had emailed her ELL teacher asking about Speech because of my 5 girls, I can hardly understand her, there is a noticeable difference between her and my other girls and no one understands her. The speech teacher emailed me and said she didn’t qualify because in middle school they don’t do speech therapy without another IEP need, which she does not have. End of story. A few weeks ago I spoke to the guidance counselor and she said “Oh I wish I had known this, I would have helped you push for it!” I met with her today. She told me teacher recommendations were for Section 2 or low 3 next year. She said Section 2 is more of the “won’t do’s” do section 1 is actually a better group of kids than section 2. Section 1 is the cant do’s, meaning they have a need for support, and its not because of a lack of effort. (I was a big hot headed when she said can’t do’s…) I not so politely told her that I do not agree with this leveling and requested that we go with the higher side of the teacher recommendation for next year and put her in Section 3. She will likely struggle (she currently has all A’s and 1 B in section 1, and rarely has homework, so she’ll have to put in extra effort). I also expect the teachers to step up to the plate for her. Differentiate if they have to. She's not dumb, she is simply still learning English, I am trying to find a way around French/Spanish class since she has not yet mastered English but they don't seem interested in splitting her sections (Being a section 3 for core classes, but go with section 2 to reading instead of to foreign language). I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing, but I want her efforts to be recognized and I also want her with a better group of kids. Going from the top in Ukraine to the bottom in America was a doozey on her emotionally. If she’s getting such high grades, she not be challenged enough.
We also filled out forms for 504 to kind of scoot around the speech issue. Her guidance counselor said she thinks she needs speech. It's more than just an accent. But the school won't do speech as a standalone service, so they are going to “not mention” shes ELL and add “below grade level reading” (she reads at a 4th grade-ish level at the end of 6th grade) and see if that will get her a 504 plan so she can get speech. I just feel like I have to fight the world to get my kids the services that they need, and pray Im doing the right thing along the way.
Ohhhh how our public schools have a way of getting this mama REALLY heated. Star, my 12 year old came from Ukraine at 10.75 years old. She was the top of her class, made all "A's" (or the numerical Ukrainian equivalent). She came here, and was in 5th grade, in a mixed class at the middle school with heavy ELL classes. I had asked the principal (a childhood friend of my husband's) "because she is ELL, when she gets to 6th grade, will she be in the lowest section?" His response was "Of course not! Look at these grades in her native language! We would never hold a child back, who can obviously do the work, simply because he or she does not speak English perfectly!" Fast forward to 6th grade. There are 4 sections in each cluster. 4 being the highest, 1 being the lowest. She was placed in section 1. I was TICKED. Called the school and everyone (classroom teachers and ELL teacher) told the principal she was where she needed to be based on her language needs. In this section they do the same material but at a slower pace, have more support in the classroom and don’t take Spanish and French but have an extra reading class instead. Mid-year, my daughter started getting upset. “I work my butt off and no one cares” (Ali was moved up mid-year). “My friends (athletes from her sports teams) say I’m going to go to jail because of who my other friends (classmates) are… I cant help that I am in class with them!” I had emailed her ELL teacher asking about Speech because of my 5 girls, I can hardly understand her, there is a noticeable difference between her and my other girls and no one understands her. The speech teacher emailed me and said she didn’t qualify because in middle school they don’t do speech therapy without another IEP need, which she does not have. End of story. A few weeks ago I spoke to the guidance counselor and she said “Oh I wish I had known this, I would have helped you push for it!” I met with her today. She told me teacher recommendations were for Section 2 or low 3 next year. She said Section 2 is more of the “won’t do’s” do section 1 is actually a better group of kids than section 2. Section 1 is the cant do’s, meaning they have a need for support, and its not because of a lack of effort. (I was a big hot headed when she said can’t do’s…) I not so politely told her that I do not agree with this leveling and requested that we go with the higher side of the teacher recommendation for next year and put her in Section 3. She will likely struggle (she currently has all A’s and 1 B in section 1, and rarely has homework, so she’ll have to put in extra effort). I also expect the teachers to step up to the plate for her. Differentiate if they have to. She's not dumb, she is simply still learning English, I am trying to find a way around French/Spanish class since she has not yet mastered English but they don't seem interested in splitting her sections (Being a section 3 for core classes, but go with section 2 to reading instead of to foreign language). I’m not sure if I’m doing the right thing, but I want her efforts to be recognized and I also want her with a better group of kids. Going from the top in Ukraine to the bottom in America was a doozey on her emotionally. If she’s getting such high grades, she not be challenged enough.
We also filled out forms for 504 to kind of scoot around the speech issue. Her guidance counselor said she thinks she needs speech. It's more than just an accent. But the school won't do speech as a standalone service, so they are going to “not mention” shes ELL and add “below grade level reading” (she reads at a 4th grade-ish level at the end of 6th grade) and see if that will get her a 504 plan so she can get speech. I just feel like I have to fight the world to get my kids the services that they need, and pray Im doing the right thing along the way.
Let It Be Known Far and Wide...
My sweet baby came home from school with a mother's day project. Your classic "My mom is ___ years old" (she got it right! Yes! I'm not 60!), "My mom likes to____"
and....
Yeaaaaaah buddy! You ready that right! Who cares about the fact that in the 13.5 years that I have been with my (chef) husband, I have cooked dinner probably about 10 times?! Clearly my baby does not see that!
I did ask her where my skirt was and she said "Mama, you no skirt!" Well, then...
My favorite thing to eat is "cake" (mmmm) and the thing we like to do together is "eat ice cream" (well, yes, I sure do enjoy eating ice cream with her). Well, that explains my beautiful cankles shoved into those stilettos....
This was such a fun gift to recieve! She did such a great job documenting the real me!
and....
I did ask her where my skirt was and she said "Mama, you no skirt!" Well, then...
My favorite thing to eat is "cake" (mmmm) and the thing we like to do together is "eat ice cream" (well, yes, I sure do enjoy eating ice cream with her). Well, that explains my beautiful cankles shoved into those stilettos....
This was such a fun gift to recieve! She did such a great job documenting the real me!
Monday, May 6, 2013
My Rollercoaster
I have a child who can make me beam brighter than a lighthouse...
Last night at dinner, when asked "What was the best part of your day?" she replied: The best part of my day was helping Grandmom this afternoon.
Frank scoffed and said "THAT was the best part of your day?!" and she replied "Yes. Serving others makes me feel good about myself. I like that I got to give back to her because she does so much for us..."
Sweet, right? I was one proud mama as my in-laws looked to me like "Is she for real? This kid is only 11 years old!"
Fast forward to this morning. I decided to look in her backpack because I have been asking her for her home folder (a special folder that her teacher had to set up for her because she never brought papers home, and I have to sign this folder and she returns it) and her last 3 spelling tests, which she said she never got back. Well lo and behold, there was her folder, and one of her tests. When I called her out on it, out came the neck rolling, the eye rolling, and the sass. Oh it was cute. I emailed her teacher and said we needed to come up with a new plan. Maybe he would email me her grades (which in spelling are failing). I also told him that she is supposed to be going out for recess and not staying inside playing the computer (as suggested by the doctor who thinks she suffers from seasonal mood issues and thinks the sunlight would be helpeful). At the end she said "I'm done now, so you can just go away..." as I stood there flabbergasted in my living room.
Yeah.
Same child.
She's hot, she's cold, she sweet, she's sass... and you never know which side of her you're going to get.
She's 11, but often has the maturity of a 7 year old. She's sneaky, but at the same time not smart enough to be sneaky. She will wear a shirt that's not appropriate for school, but leave it hanging out of the sweatshirt she tried to use to cover it up. She will come up to me and say "Today at recess I saw blah blah blah on yo.utube... it was soooo cool" Wait, I didn't know they had computers outside, and last time I checked, you signed a code of conduct for school saying you wouldn't be on sites like yout.ube... Ummm uhhh... errrrr....
This is our new phase. And I'm not digging it. Thankfully it's only with one child. My little rollercoaster ride...
See, it's not always sunshine and roses... Keeping it real.
Last night at dinner, when asked "What was the best part of your day?" she replied: The best part of my day was helping Grandmom this afternoon.
Frank scoffed and said "THAT was the best part of your day?!" and she replied "Yes. Serving others makes me feel good about myself. I like that I got to give back to her because she does so much for us..."
Sweet, right? I was one proud mama as my in-laws looked to me like "Is she for real? This kid is only 11 years old!"
Fast forward to this morning. I decided to look in her backpack because I have been asking her for her home folder (a special folder that her teacher had to set up for her because she never brought papers home, and I have to sign this folder and she returns it) and her last 3 spelling tests, which she said she never got back. Well lo and behold, there was her folder, and one of her tests. When I called her out on it, out came the neck rolling, the eye rolling, and the sass. Oh it was cute. I emailed her teacher and said we needed to come up with a new plan. Maybe he would email me her grades (which in spelling are failing). I also told him that she is supposed to be going out for recess and not staying inside playing the computer (as suggested by the doctor who thinks she suffers from seasonal mood issues and thinks the sunlight would be helpeful). At the end she said "I'm done now, so you can just go away..." as I stood there flabbergasted in my living room.
Yeah.
Same child.
She's hot, she's cold, she sweet, she's sass... and you never know which side of her you're going to get.
She's 11, but often has the maturity of a 7 year old. She's sneaky, but at the same time not smart enough to be sneaky. She will wear a shirt that's not appropriate for school, but leave it hanging out of the sweatshirt she tried to use to cover it up. She will come up to me and say "Today at recess I saw blah blah blah on yo.utube... it was soooo cool" Wait, I didn't know they had computers outside, and last time I checked, you signed a code of conduct for school saying you wouldn't be on sites like yout.ube... Ummm uhhh... errrrr....
This is our new phase. And I'm not digging it. Thankfully it's only with one child. My little rollercoaster ride...
See, it's not always sunshine and roses... Keeping it real.
Wednesday, May 1, 2013
Because She Is Darn Cute...
And because her teacher says that she will not mutter a single word at school, and I wanted to prove that she speaks...
Crazy Hair Day
Today the 5th grade had Crazy Hair Day. Lucky for me, it was not the whole school. I'd have a heck of a time making up 5 crazy 'dos, and and even harder time getting my sluggish monkeys up in time to complete 5 wild styles.
Zig zagged braided pipe cleaners did the trick...
I told her she should have just woken up and not brushed her hair... she ALWAYS has crazy hair in the morning! And she has the thickest hair I have ever seen on ANYONE.
I told her she should have just woken up and not brushed her hair... she ALWAYS has crazy hair in the morning! And she has the thickest hair I have ever seen on ANYONE.
Tuesday, April 30, 2013
Citizens
FINALLY! After waiting a REALLY long time, BOTH girls finally have their certificate of citizenship!
Though they became citizens the minute we went through immigrations at the airport, this certificate proves it. Their visa in their Ukrainian passport is no longer needed.
(Yes, sometimes they choose to dress alike, it makes me bonkers, but whatever...) Summer Girl had just gotten a filling and 2 teeth pulled which proved to be very traumatic for my husband and I... she took it ok as soon as they left the building. She managed to give me a numb smile. I have sent all of their stuff to the Ukrainiain Embassy to register them there, so they still have their Ukrainian passports, but now I will be able to apply for their US passports. And um, I need to do that for Miss Bolshoy and Star too because I'm a total slacker and haven't done that 1.75 years later. They have all seen Ali's US passport and are waiting for their own. Who knew that would be such a big deal to kids? Now, I'm just dreaming about our first trip... I see a beach, and a frozen drink in my dream... Riiiiiiiiight....
(Yes, sometimes they choose to dress alike, it makes me bonkers, but whatever...) Summer Girl had just gotten a filling and 2 teeth pulled which proved to be very traumatic for my husband and I... she took it ok as soon as they left the building. She managed to give me a numb smile. I have sent all of their stuff to the Ukrainiain Embassy to register them there, so they still have their Ukrainian passports, but now I will be able to apply for their US passports. And um, I need to do that for Miss Bolshoy and Star too because I'm a total slacker and haven't done that 1.75 years later. They have all seen Ali's US passport and are waiting for their own. Who knew that would be such a big deal to kids? Now, I'm just dreaming about our first trip... I see a beach, and a frozen drink in my dream... Riiiiiiiiight....
Spring Sports
Star has started Little League softball (while still playing for her middle school for a few more weeks)
Summer Girl and Miss Bolshoy both started their first soccer season ever...
And Miss Bolshoy continues with gymnastics, of course... And Monkey will start gymnastics today after loving gymnastics camp!
Ali is doing a martial arts class this semester at school. We like to call her "Ninja Girl". Star did the same class last semester. She said "I didn't know martial arts was like karate... I thought it was like.... ART!" Well, that must have been quite the shock for her!
Summer Girl and Miss Bolshoy both started their first soccer season ever...
And Miss Bolshoy continues with gymnastics, of course... And Monkey will start gymnastics today after loving gymnastics camp!
Ali is doing a martial arts class this semester at school. We like to call her "Ninja Girl". Star did the same class last semester. She said "I didn't know martial arts was like karate... I thought it was like.... ART!" Well, that must have been quite the shock for her!
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